What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
