So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
