I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
