Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
