found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
