She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
