thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
