woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
