Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
