Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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