smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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