Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
