Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't deserve a penis
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
soo... how was my night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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