i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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