They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
