you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
