people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just cropdusted the office
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
