did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
