and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
