Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
