Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
