someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
