i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
