It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
