I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
