For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
