Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
