It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the high leading the old right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
