***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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