One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
