AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
