True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
