My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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