He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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