I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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