i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
