And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
