You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
