The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
