Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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