I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
