I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
