yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
