At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
