i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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