I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
