erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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