i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
