I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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