Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
