Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
