Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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