Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
