I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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