Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
