I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's not a foreskin expert like you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
