VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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